redisco(very)

I've absolutely decided to live in fantasy until the first hour of classes next week. I'm going to deny reality and indulge my aesthetic, angsty and *squee!* bits for a while longer.

Case 1:
I'm ridiculously loving BTVS all over again. My xmas break marathon is in full swing! *Aside from season 1* Joss Whedon is a bloody genius.....

Angel: If we don't stop now things could get out of control
Buffy: Isn't that how its supposed to be.
Angel: This isn't some Fairy Tale. When I kiss you you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I want to die.




Case 2:
Also, quite unexpectedly rekindling my Jude Law tingles (been pretty Pattinson/Franco focused for a bit). Wow! stayed up until 4:00am watching Cold Mountain last night. He is amazingly effective as Inman. That man is talented....and so very, very purdy.



Case 3:
Dream-pop constantly on the iPod - The Engineers - Engineers and Morrissey's Viva Hate. (love, love, love).

mini-break musts

Things to do over break:

• attempt enjoyment - a la (1). RPattz & (2). Murakami -
  

1. - swooning


2. - fascination

you know...

just thinking how much I adore Jarvis.

the hottest mess of all

Wow....I'm incapable of applying theory. Or at least writing about it.


(author's self-perception)

my arrested development

So, okay – I somehow managed to get really good marks on all my mid-terms (an absolute mind-blower) and even baked a bit for Thanksgiving an all...and all this whilst maintaining my composure at the constant barrage of Twilight hype.

Oh. Holy. Jesus.

Yes – I am quite the Pattinson fan (can’t wait for Little Ashes)! He is very talented and yes....he really is so very, very pretty.



- Exhibit A -

But seriously! Seriously. No, seriously.

Let the performers/filmmakers take a breather and for god’s sakes people give your hard earned and thin American dollars to smaller films too!

Or even big films, but just support other things as well (i.e. Milk!!!).

Having said that, I thought the movie was really lovely - I thought Catherine Hardwicke did a great job – obviously, I have a bit of a crush on Billy Burke now – and an even bigger crush on Rob Pattinson - and thought the film felt, I don’t know, oddly personal (well I guess the novels do too). Anyway, I enjoyed it...in spite of its rather silly and angst-y bits. Okay, so yeah.

(I also thought Australia was tremendous, despite most critics’ opinions. I can’t argue with their criticism, I just could not care less – I love Baz Luhrman. period.)

Oh...and I am soooo keen on myself right now because I even found time to see Afghanistan: Hidden Treasures from the National Museum, Kabul at the Asian Art Museum. It was **humbling**. When you first enter the exhibition space it’s just a bit.... well, underwhelming really, but then, somehow very stealthy & subtly (there’s a slow build) as you meander through the multiple galleries and by the end it absolutely gives you tingles all over. And ridiculously, true to form....I cried.

Now, if I could only sit down and read my Proust (instead of, you know, Perez Hilton) I might somehow and sort of resemble the person I'd like to be.

too busy to live....

insomnia deja vu....um, again.

I ever so foolishly gave up sleeping pills for 5 days...and now haven't slept in 4 days. I'm in knots in the middle and cloudy ribbons in my head. So, tonight I give in.....sweet Doxylamine!

I've been listening to a lot of old Cure songs lately and these lyrics from Closedown just seemed stunningly apt to my life right now -

I'm running out of time
I'm out of step and
closing down and
never sleep for wanting hours....
the empty hours of greed
and uselessly
always the need
to feel again the real belief
of something more than mockery
if only I could
fill my heart with love.

very okay

I don't want to forget the feeling from this week's presentation. Capable, professional, charming, successful....and a bit on fire, actually. I so easily forget to be proud of myself when occasion calls (there are so many other important and well, mostly wretched things to think about myself, right).

It's hard to keep faith - in one's self or anything that really matters, really. But, as I watch the homeless man twirl with abandon out the window across from the museum right now & listen to the v. loud overture that CJM (is for some reason) piping into the lane and maybe because I just ate a really weird quesadilla or because it’s Halloween - I just feel like everything is going to be okay. Whatever happens with him, London, the museum, the election...the state-of-things I suppose.

We'll all write new roles for ourselves.

iris effect

Everything is changing for me....focusing down like an iris tightening in a camera.

I want to get more from this...more than you....I think.

lovely

I have a sneaking suspicion that having a dad must be lovely.....

...especially if this cutie was your dadums.

I miss mine.

trust me

I don't need to tell... everything! I have never regretted not telling him something...unnecessary. I'm pretty much an open book.....wear my bleeding heart on my sleeve....so when I keep something to myself it's absolutely the rarity. SO - you should be thanking me!!!

Everyone has their personal rituals. And I need mine.

thanks for that

this week's delightfuls:

Metronomy Nights Out


criggo.wordpress.com


The It Crowd

san francisco treat - picture post!!

Ah...happiness. A De Young afternoon...just what I needed.

(museums that allow photography are my cuddle!)

well played October 2008 issues.

Um....all of my cuddles are on magazine covers this month. I'm gobsmacked by the lovely! I feel like the celebs I admire are usually inside-pages people not cover stories...so..hooray!

Now, just to blow my mind, maybe Robert Pattinson will show up on a cooking or a.m. show or possibly Sigur Ros will play on SNL or Haruki Murakami will show up on Oprah! The world is a crazy place....




Actually, Robert Pattinson is in Interview this month & Jarvis Cocker is too - WTF? - I'm in heaven!

how can they be tired of england.....

OMG! A real possibility of interning at the Design Museum in London?!?!! Maybe....possibly...a chance (slight or otherwise)...


fingers-crossed! fingers-crossed! fingers-crossed! fingers-crossed!

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.
-- Thomas Fuller

the long (long) good weekend

So, working the Mill Valley Film Festival - I met Harry Dean Stanton who nearly ashed his cigarette on my shoe (god bless 'em). And the next night I introduced myself to Paul Schrader after his tribute....but what do say after "hi" to the man who wrote Taxi Driver.

So, you know, not a bad time.....one more festival week to go.

Oh! And......it was Love Parade/Love Fest this past weekend in the city too and I was quasi-humped by a Teletubby at the corner of Market St. and 4th! Oh, techno-geeks - je t'aime!

(and now school started yesterday......)

oh, san francisco

Last night as I was driving home from Mill Valley I was all sorts of stress-y about classes starting Monday, all the film festival shifts I'm working in the next few weeks, the museum colloquium I'm working the week after that and about all the issues with him and me and, I guess the appalling state of the world in general really. But then...driving across the Richmond Bridge I see the lights of San Francisco peek out from behind a hill and my heart just leaps up into my throat. The lights of the Bay Bridge across the Bay, the city illuminated at night, the silhouettes of dark islands just floating on top of the Bay and the ambient light reflecting off the water - they were so achingly lovely - my thoughts just melted off and slid away.

So then...Echo and the Bunnymen's Killing Moon comes on my iPod. Bloody perfect timing! Then every song that played on Shuffle mode (which generally disappoints me with it's careless juxtapositioning!) on my drive back to Alameda was per-fec-tion

New Order - Every Little Counts
Bowie - Sound and Vision
Michael Jackson - Rock With You
The Fix - Saved By Zero
The Album Leaf - The Outer Banks

And I have to admit, as much as I want to move to London - the Bay Area is one of the most lovely places anywhere and ever.

love is...

Sigur Ros is my musical soulmate.

Adore, love, insight, strange, lovely, scary - repeat (like Murakami's writing).

the pictures in my head

Film as dream, film as music. No form of art goes beyond ordinary consciousness as film does, straight to our emotions, deep into the twilight room of the soul.
-Ingmar Bergman

completely nackered

Visit from momsy has included:

* multiple trips to fruit stands
* multiple trips to Target
* multiple trips to Post Office
* multiple mother/daughter tiffs
* multiple bottles of wine
* bowling
* trip to Sausalito
* me being completely exhausted
(another week to go)


us now


and in the late '70s

love to pieces

Things I love this week:

the shaker exhibition at MOCFA

learning French form an old children's text (and Louis Malle films)

vintage swap cards from Australia

3 weeks vacation = 3 weeks of Malle

I'm ready to live in the movies for a couple weeks....before the new quarter starts. Tick - tock - tick - tock.

$17.04

This is what $17.04 bought me at the market this afternoon. My silly little feast. Mmmmmm-coffee crisp.



Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with
- Charles Farrar Browne

Seriously, The Inbetweeners is immense!

OMG - only got through yesterday's final so I could come home and watched all my eppies of Inbeweeners. Love it.

.....that briefcase makes me wanna punch you

sleep, moi?

I have never heard a Neil Finn song that wasn't exquisitely detailed and crafted. Lyricists are so amazingly clever. Yeah...I've listened to Fall at Your Feet like 7 times today.

I'm in a bit of a mood. I feel sort of evaporated, keen, tenacious and oddly warm all at the same time. Only 17 hours until my doom ie. final exam. I promise, I will not sleep tonight.



Whenever I fall at your feet
you let your tears rain down on me
Whenever I touch your slow turning pain

The finger of blame has turned upon itself
And I'm more than willing to offer myself
Do you want my presence or need my help
Who knows where that might lead
I fall.......

mirror in the bathroom

sometimes I love getting fancified every morning.....and other days,
well....I just can't comprehend why I wholly bother at all.....



Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.
- George Eliot

hello sweet september....

This endless summer is finally, brilliantly over! This summer = the hardest course load ever, insomnia and fresh angst. But, I'm starting a lovely new internship and a new quarter next month and am absolutely ready to plan for future, ie. London.

yes-yes-yes-yes!!!!!

However, there were some lovely moments - meeting Ms. Piper Laurie of course. Her voice was like heavy velvet - and she had a totally blue sense of humor. Ace!



(omg - The Hustler, Carrie, Twin Peaks!)

commute

An especially rundown, vintage ice blue VW Bug followed my train all the way in to work this morning. It was so sweet and Godard-esque. I felt like I was going to cry - witnessed by everyone on the BART train - by the time we finally went into the tunnel.

*in defense I was listening to the Two Gallants on my earphones

the archaic is pretty

today I saw a wondrous mannequin.....head.

totally...cassie

I can't decide if Hannah Murray is brilliant or annoying on Skins

either way "Cassie" breaks my heart...

Seattle is my new cuddle!

I've been there a couple times but I adored it this summer more than ever. Scary beautiful & so full of creative crannies & nooks.

King Street Station

insomnia day 14

I haven't slept for 39 hours.



I choose to make cupcakes

defective

omg - i am the most ridiculously spacey, cracked, absurd, faulty creature.

my daydreaming has made me useless! 2 weeks of summer school left and i can't hold a thought in my head for more than a flash.

sometimes I think its harder to be an enthusiast than an artist.



me = daydreamer


I thank God for my handicaps, for, through them, I have found myself.....
- Helen Keller

starry starry night

I finally slept - though induced to do so by lovely alcohol consumption was hardly the recuperative experience desired.

Conclusion: not ready to sleep yet. There is too much in the world to look at from behind closed eyes.

Insomniac - Day 9

This sleeplessness is driving me toward a place of wild imagination.

Is my subconscious punishing me for unfulfilled dreams in my waking life?
Is it demanding that I realize a life dream before I can rest again?
Alhough I've enjoyed lots of late night b-movies and endless cups of tea, I do have 2 1/2 weeks of summer school o finish!

The safety and comfort of peace allude me. It also kind of inspires me...
to do...something.

I think my sleeplessness is some sort of vigil.